You can make the hyper-vigilance of PTSD an asset by using it to get organized.
Yes, there are the moments of agitated, thunder-and-lightning sensitivity to light, sound, smells, and movement, toxic-thought dungeons, and a hyper paranoia about the protection of your raw, unsealed body, BUT within that chaos, is a medical, clinical, survival, need for grip and control over your environment, which, ya know, works for some people.
At least, it does for me.
Knowing that If I spend any amount of time pacing my home looking for a lost object, straining to remember an idea, or holding focus on more than one task at a time; I’ll collapse in cognitive depletion. Orderliness in everything I can control is critical.
Brains are not storage bins, this I know. Extended Mind Theory says that the brain does not exclusively reside in the skull, but extends into the physical world. It was an idea proposed by philosophers Andy Clark and David Chalmers in "The Extended Mind" (1998). They called it "active externalism”, based on the active role some objects in our external environment can play in the cognitive process, and in that way, function as extensions of the mind itself. the mind itself.
I turn to the common notebook.
In the beginning, so desperate to find the mental energy leaks that were going unnoticed, I tracked what I was doing by the minute “9:50 Watered plants. 10:32 Cleaned two dishes. 12:45 Must have fallen asleep.”
This proved unsustainable. And after I spent the time tracking what I was doing all day long, I never went back over it to gather any data. It was data entry for data-entry’s sake.
I’ve purchased, and was frequently gifted, fancy planners. Hardcover. Satin-ribbon place holders. A ‘This Book Belongs To:’ on the inside cover (like I would ever). But I never felt free to mess up the delicate pages with my gruel, so I leave them pristine and empty.
Whiteboards lean against a wall, stacked and hidden away, stained with to-do's that never met their actualities. And spurned scheduling apps continue to haunt the storage of my phone.
What I needed was something that felt expansive and very specific at the same time. Something that was unlimited in how labyrinthine and maniacal I could get in my organizing.
I don’t remember how I started using Notion, but it now functions as an external dewey-decimal-system where my disordered brain can really sing.
I can methodize my endeavors based on my personal value-operating systems, so as to not waste precious moments on anything that means nothing to me.
The four pillars of my personal artistic style (Past wounds. Early work. Upbringing. Taste) can be tabulated so, at any moment, I can mix and match these influences to create some truly personal and specific work.
Pages, bulleted lists, databases, have been constructed to keep track of my errant ideas, my active and dreamed-about projects, my graveyard of obsessions. It is systematized euphoria.
With the majority of my brain both categorized and optimized, I return to the notebook. But this time, I’m so empowered by the ability to hop between mind maps in my Notion, that I employ several notebooks at once:
(1) the marble composition I start talking to until my mind wanders to add something new to my
(2) Think-About-This-Again-Later list in a separate spiral-bound notebook (the same 3-Subject that holds my schedule for the week ahead based on what hormonal phase I'm in)
(3) and any wayward insights that reveal themselves in the night are immediately recorded in a pocket notebook next to my bed.
Ecstasy at its most meticulous.
You might write this off as the obsessive systems of the neuro-divergent, a term thrown around casually to refer to any weirdo, non-linear thinkers. But, according to it’s coiner, Judy Singer, neuro-divergence refers to “the virtually infinite neuro-cognitive variability within earth’s human population, and points to the fact that every human has a unique nervous system with a unique combination of abilities and needs.” Every brain is neuro-divergent and needs special systems to operate. Even yours.
Further more, she states “Neuro-diversity is a subset of biodiversity, a term mostly used for the purpose of advocating for the conservation of the species."
There you have it. Building wildly personal systems is conserving the species. Now, you’ve got a responsibility on your hands.
Being organized allows you to participate in the dance. You give yourself the option to direct your energy consciously, but also, the exciting option to just let your energy take you where it will.
Won’t you dance with me?,
Abigail
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Total yes! Organization begets innovation!