You Will Probably Be Thoughtless and Weird
in honor of shortcomings
You know when you’re anxious because you have some big, important thing coming up where you’ll need to come across as confident and likable and smart? Breaking the ice with someone new, a big performance, job interview, first date - You know the thing.
The merry band of cheerleaders in our lives, bless their hearts, might bolster our outlook by reminding us of our experience, our skills, our intelligence…but, you still don’t feel any better…
It’s because none of your so-called strong points seem useful when the sense of uncertainty before you threatens the very idea you have about the kind of person you are. What if you say something ignorant? Have spinach in your teeth? What if no one shows up? What if you get all emotional and your voice cracks?
This anxiety could make you hold back from even doing the thing because you’re frankly not in the mood to appear absolutely ridiculous, sappy, pitiful, gross…insert your own word you’re unwilling to appear as.
But here’s the trouble and the truth: All the best opportunities are given to the delusional. And all the most interesting, fulfilling parts of life are bestowed upon the fools.
The reluctance to leave our dignity facade is the unfortunate result of a view that’s been implanted in us about just how dignified we are supposed to be.
You might think, ‘I’m too old/professional to look clueless.’ ‘I’m beyond that kind of silliness.’
But, here’s a take that may instantly release you : No one is spared from it.
Everyone, even that super-successful-seeming peer, that perfect couple, that outgoing, popular cat-about-town have all made bad decisions, have had outbursts they were ashamed of afterwards, is worried about things that are irrational and vain, is shy and awkward in new situations, worries about keeping up their relevance, has broken or ruined someone else’s stuff, and on and on.
You can feel safe knowing your blunders, regrets, bizarro behaviors and feelings of ineptitude do not cast you as an outsider in society. On the contrary, you’re in good company.
Not only is absolutely everyone a fool in their own rite, but our inherent ineptitudes are what endear us to one another and foster connection between us.
Flemish painters, like Pieter Bruegel and Franz Verbeeck celebrate the unpolished human spirit by showcasing that literally everyone is out of their minds. Their paintings picture the deficient parts of all of us, a reminder that utter deficiencies are not reserved for the very few.
Follies are revered in the metaphysical, multiverse-jumping film Everything, Everywhere All at Once, too, where natural law states that in order for a human to jump reality timelines to one where they already have the attributes they are lacking in current reality, one must perform a completely illogical, nonsensical act, like eating chapstick or putting their shoes on the wrong feet. This, a reminder that no movement happens without letting go of our grip on logic and facts.
Tomfoolery is considered sacred in ancient wisdom, too.
To receive The Fool card in a Tarot reading tells us we are open to experiment and free to learn from all experience. That we are entitled to lack answers and to change our point of view. That we are free to put our faith in your our own originality and trust what the world gives us.
A similar, and personal favorite, idea appears in mindfulness as the concept of Beginner's Mind, that refers to having an attitude of openness, eagerness, and lack of preconceptions when approaching anything, just as a beginner (or fool!) would.
The many references to our shortcomings in art and wisdom teachings show us that the way to greater confidence isn’t to bolster ourselves with our own greatness, it’s to make peace with the inevitability of our absolute ignorance.
We were fools in ancient times.
We are fools now.
We will be fools in the future.
And that’s pretty magnificent.
Once we can see ourselves as inherently ridiculous, not only can we be more empathetic when others fall short, but, the sting of trying and failing in our own lives is far removed.
We’ll sign up for the class. Send a message to the crush. Ask the embarrassing questions. Request the higher rate. Start the newsletter.
And, you know, every so often, it works. Our ridiculousness is rewarded with a piece of art or music, a new friend, or a jump in our career.
The confidence we’re looking for, then, begins with this ritual of reminding ourselves as often as we can, that we’re boneheads anyway, so what’s one more blunder?
Just what I needed to get over the next hurdle. Thanks!
Thank you for this!! From one bonehead to another :)