Take It To The Floor

where I've been when I haven't been on Substack

You may have noticed I disappeared for three months again, despite my declaration of using my own philosophies to endure the hardships of the holidays so I wouldn’t need to.

In all fairness, I didn’t disappear so much as lie down.

If every story has a few places to enter, I can enter this one from the bottom. More specifically, the floor.

It started with my debut bout of Covid, an anvil drop to my limbs and blood and life force. There is not much to say about this period of time beyond the forced beginnings of a supine position that I couldn’t have known would be my 2024 stance.

Then, as the virus dissipated, my new gig as a Production Accessibility Coordinator ¹ took over the month of January with an arduous stream of 5am wake-ups and 8:15pm bedtimes and obscenely long workdays in between.

There was something about the simplicity of the production life I enjoyed, however. You can't make any plans outside of work because (1) the hours are long and grueling and you don't have the strength to do anything else (2) you could go out and catch Covid and bring it back to set with you, and then what are we supposed to do?

I found myself slipping easily into the cycle of crawling in the door from work straight to the rug where I would assume the 2024 position: on the floor, legs splayed, arms up over my head. Letting my body go diffuse.

A long-forgotten message to moms in the seventies

In February, set-life still coursing through my veins, I dove straight into pre-production on my own movie.

I’m hot-glueing fabric to boxes, printing signs and posters, choreographing dances, watching Youtube videos on the benefits of shooting Raw vs ProRes, seeking permission to film in locations that resemble what I need for the story, but also come with lounge areas and bathrooms, meeting with my actors to rehearse, meeting with my production crew to plan shots, convincing artist friends to make props, asking friends and family for favors like borrowing their car, PAing on set, and lending me their big cooler.

And I’m doing it in the same way every girl instinctively knows how to: flat on my stomach, propped up on my elbows on the floor.

Actual photo of me in pre-production.

Come March, I was not quite ready to film but the clock was ticking and I had to anyway.

I adopted the resolve of a warrior, pushing my limits daily on set, tackling each scene like a seasoned fighter unfazed by outside speculations about my directing abilities or the rain threatening my exterior shots.

But each day after wrap, I’d surrender to the ground, sinking into a plush rug or held by an unyielding hardwood floor. From this vantage point, my spatial orientation skews; I’m no longer stomping around making things happen, but prostrate before whatever it is that wants to take the reigns from here.

hard day on set

Why be so dramatic? Why not simply sit down in a chair? Lie down on a couch or bed?

The answer is simple: On a bed or couch or chair, our mind still races along with the day’s ruminations. When lying on the floor, you must leave your head and tune into the body and how it is placed.

Another thing about sitting in a chair is just how many muscles you need to use to make it happen. The hip flexors are lifting the thighs toward the abdomen, the abdominals are stabilizing the torso and maintaining an upright position, the lower back muscles are holding up the spine, the neck and upper back are supporting the head- it’s hard work.

It’s one of the reasons we get people who are able out of their seats and onto their back in mindfulness class. Your breath and heartbeat seems to amplify, you can even feel your blood reversing and dropping with the new center of gravity. Being present takes center stage without even trying.

Yes, I know how it might look to the untrained eye, forgoing my responsibilities to my readers and drifting horizontally into an abyss. But consider from my place of seeming repose, I was doing the hard work of accepting what is, finding contentment in my current state, and rejecting societal norms and pressures. I was actively engaging in a simple gesture of intimacy with the world around me that said ‘Enough about me, tell me about you.’

Expect regular floor transmissions from here on out. At maybe at the end of your day today, instead of plopping down on the couch, perhaps you too will accept the summons of the floor. Report back your findings in the comments!

From the ground up,

Abigail

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1. PAC is a fairly new position in existence on entertainment sets. According to my employer, Indievisible’s website: Production Accessibility works in service of all cast, crew, and creatives - whether Disability identifying or not - to ensure a space of ease conducive to crafting ground-breaking content and safe, sustainable careers.